


I'll Show You Who I Really Am

by firefly267



Series: If You Listen [3]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Can be read before reading rest of series, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fake AH Crew, Fluff and Angst, GTA AU, Hacker Gavin Free, Implied/Referenced Abuse, M/M, Mercenary Ryan Haywood, Panic Attacks, Ryan gets a little emotional, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 18:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12018522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firefly267/pseuds/firefly267
Summary: Gavin and Ryan are finally a part of the Fake AH crew, but Ryan is still trying to navigate the fact that people can care without having other motives.--Or Ryan tries opening up and letting the crew in. It goes about as wrong as it could.





	I'll Show You Who I Really Am

It’s been just over a month since Gavin and Ryan had officially been brought into the Fake AH crew. It was an easy decision for Geoff after the few jobs they completed successfully. The two were clearly a good fit, and the skills they now bring to the crew are invaluable. Gavin works exclusively for them and no longer has to worry about finding other jobs. Ryan, however, still takes the occasional outside job. So, when Ryan is out on a job, Gavin has the others and crew business to fill his days with till Ryan returns.

Gavin couldn’t believe it when Geoff had offered him and Ryan a job. The Fakes had just finished taking down the Castello’s, and previously after they finished a job and dished out each person’s cut, the main crew left heading out to celebrate, leaving Gavin and Ryan to head home by themselves. This time, though, Geoff asked if Gavin and Ryan wanted to tag along. Ryan frowned saying that he had another job to get to, but he seemed almost reluctant to have to leave. Gavin however, jumped at the chance to spend more time with the crew. He was excited, he loved working with them, but being just a hire he hadn’t gotten invited before. So, after pressing a quick kiss to the outside of Ryan’s mask, much to the amusement of everyone else, they went their separate ways.

 

Once at the bar, shots, and rounds of drinks circled the table, the men becoming more rambunctious as the alcohol disappeared. Gavin laughed, leaning on Michael as Geoff hassled him to answer his question, “No, seriously, you bangin’ him?” 

“I bet it's weird kinky shit if they do.” Ray piped in from the side. 

“Bloody hell, why do you care if we do?” Gavin hiccupped before giggling and righting himself in his chair.

“He’s the freaking Mad Mercenary Gavin!” Michael shouted from next to him, obviously intoxicated, “Are you that stupid that you don’t know what that means!”

“Micool!” Gavin squeaked, “Ryan would never hurt me.”

“How can you be sure, though?” Jack asked softly, swirling his drink around in his glass and looking at Gavin concerned.

“Yeah, he’s done some pretty crazy things, Vav,” Ray replied leaning forward to see around Michael. 

Gavin huffed, “I am aware of what he does, you spaffs.” 

“You’re just his eye candy, right?” Geoff laughed, his breaths coming in gasps. 

“Hey! I’m more than eye candy!” Gavin cried out shoving at Geoff. “Remember who saved you that one time!”

Geoff’s laughs grew stronger and his drink sloshing over the sides. Jack leaned away rolling his eyes at Geoff. “Of course Gav. How could I forget.” 

Jack sighed and plucked the glass out of Geoff’s hand, ignoring his attempts to get it back. “Now before this fun can continue, we did have a reason for bringing you out with us.”

Jack’s comment seems to quiet the table, and Geoff stops reaching for his drink and turns back to Gavin. “Right.”

Gavin shrinks back down into his chair, “A reason?” He glances around at the others at the table a feeling of unease rising in him as he realizes exactly who he’s out with. Gavin may be in a relationship with one of the most feared mercenaries out there, but the Fake AH crew was the most dangerous crew in the city. If something were to happen there isn’t much he could do to stop it, especially without Ryan here. However, before Gavin’s thoughts could travel any further – Ray interrupted.

“It’s nothing bad, Vav,” Ray reassured from the other side of Michael seeming to sense his unease at the sudden mood change.

“Oh yeah, no worries,” Geoff said smiling. “We actually wanted to extend an offer to you and Ryan.” 

Gavin relaxed back into his chair before squawked out, “well you could have started with that you mingey lit’le mingepot! You all had me goin’ about.” Calming down slightly he then asked bewildered “And an offer? What kind of offer?”

“We want you two to be a part of the crew,” Geoff explained a grin overtaking his face.

Gavin stared in shock at Geoff, unable to look away from the crew leader, “Are you serious?”

“Absolutely Boi,” Michael answered while throwing an arm around his shoulders and tugging Gavin into his side. 

“I-I don’t know what to say.” Gavin stuttered letting out a small laugh as he pulled back from Michael and resituated himself on his chair. “I’ll talk to Ryan, but thank you. I have really enjoyed working with you all too.” Gavin grinned broadly at the crew as a joy he didn’t know he could feel filled his chest. For a second he was sure Geoff was going to tell him bad news, but instead he – and Ryan – could have a spot on one of the biggest crews out there.

Would Ryan want to, though? 

He had never even considered excepting any of the offers they had gotten from previous crews. Granted those crews didn’t come even close to the standing the Fakes had in Achievement City. In the past, of course, Ryan had assured Gavin that if he wanted to join he could, but becoming a member without him wasn’t what Gavin wanted. Although, it couldn’t be ignored that the Fakes is the first crew that Ryan had taken multiple jobs from in years, so there was some hope.

“There’s no pressure on getting us an answer right away either,” Jack stressed, no doubt noticing Gavin’s anxiety. Gavin nodded in thanks at Jack a small smile making it back onto his face as he pushed the thoughts of Ryan to the back. There was no reason to fret about that until he returns from his current job.

“Alright, now that’s finished give me back my drink.” Geoff then snatched his drink back from Jack, while grumbling about disrespectful employees. Michael laughed at Jack’s reaction to Geoff’s childlike behavior and waved at the bartender for another round. Ray shook his head at them taking another drink of his soda. Gavin grinned and for now, let himself enjoy being a part of the crew.

 

When Ryan returned home later that week, Gavin was hanging out on the couch goofing around on their Xbox. He paused the game when Ryan walked into the room and headed towards him, but before Gavin could tell him what Geoff had offered, Ryan’s mouth was on his.

Gavin made a noise in surprise before melting into the kiss, he reached up with one hand to grip Ryan’s shirt as Ryan threaded his fingers through Gavin’s hair. Ryan grinned against Gavin’s lips, tightening his grip in Gavin’s hair and guided his head further back. He caught Gavin’s lower lip between his teeth, pulling back slowly causing Gavin to whine softly. Ryan nudged a knee between his legs allowing him to rest his weight on the couch, and lean down to deepen the kiss causing Gavin’s whine to morph into a long moan. Gavin yanked Ryan closer while he slid his tongue between the other's lips. Ryan grunted fighting back and licking into Gavin’s mouth, tightening his hold in Gavin’s hair to keep him from following before pulling back smirking. 

Gavin panted staring up at Ryan his pupils blown wide with want, “Jesus Rye, what was that for?”

Ryan plopped down beside Gavin on the couch, sliding his arm around his shoulders and pulling him closer, leaning over to press a kiss against Gavin’s neck, “I missed you,” He muttered, “I feel like we haven’t been alone in forever.”

Gavin’s eyes fluttered shut and leaned his head back giving Ryan more room as he trailed kisses up his throat. “Whose fault is that, you donut.” Gavin’s breath caught in his throat as Ryan bit down sucking a mark behind his ear.

He pulled back after pressing a kiss to the mark forming on Gav’s neck. “It’s not my fault that the asshole thought he could run away from me.”

“Uh huh, but you took the job, so don’t try to blame it on someone else,” Gavin muttered, turning to burrow into Ryan’s side throwing his legs over his lap.

Ryan smiled softly pressing a kiss to Gavin’s forehead, “Okay, I’m sorry.” He replied, pushing up Gavin’s jeans to rub at his ankle. “I won’t take as many jobs anymore, alright?”

Gavin snorted pulling away, “Don’t lie to me, Ryan. You know how I feel about those platitudes.”

“Hey, no, wait. Gav,” Ryan started, tightening his hold on Gavin. “I don’t want to fight. Please. You said you had something to talk about.” 

Gavin sighed and relaxed back into Ryan’s hold. He had forgotten that he had sent the message to Ryan already. It had seemed so much easier to tell him about the deal when it had just happened. Now, however, all the times Ryan had run from previous crew’s offers were rising to the surface. 

Ryan frowned and nudged Gavin gently, “Gav? Is everything okay?” 

Gavin fidgeted, before blurting out, “Geoff offered us a spot in the crew.”

At that Ryan froze before turning to face Gavin, “He what?”

Gavin shifted his legs off Ryan, not wanting him to feel trapped, “He offered us a place in his crew. That's what he wanted to talk about. I told him that I’d need to talk to you first, but the offers there.” Gavin trailed off watching Ryan nervously.

Ryan shifted before asking gently, “An offer to join the Fakes?”

Gavin straightened up, turning so that he was kneeling beside Ryan on the couch, and put his hand on his shoulder. “Wait, are you actually considering this?” Gavin had known Ryan for a few years, and the man was dead set against working with one crew constantly. Gavin knew he had worked with crews in the past, but when Gavin asked Ryan about it he always stressed how much he was only a contract killer, and Gavin had never really argued with him. There had been other crews Gavin had worked with that he could have seen himself working with more permanently, but Ryan wouldn’t join with him, and Gavin loved Ryan more. So, it was unexpected if Ryan was actually considering Geoff’s offer. Given that, Gavin wasn’t against it. He couldn’t remember the last time he had that much fun working with a crew and would love to be able to spend more time with them.

Ryan shrugged looking away, “I might be, but we don’t have to.” He said seeming to try and brush the topic off.

“Rye, come on. Don’t shut me out.” Gavin pleaded, “I’m definitely all for it, but we need to talk about this.” Gavin frowned, gently grabbing Ryan’s chin and turning it to face him. There were still smudges of leftover paint on his face, and Gavin hated how it looked like Ryan was scrambling to keep his composure.

“I just-” Ryan began, he pushed Gavin’s hand away and turned his head to look at some photos they have mounted on the wall. Gavin let his hand fall away reaching out instead to snag Ryan’s hand in his not allowing Ryan to pull away completely. Even though they had been in a relationship for a while they still struggled with things. Ryan still had issues with opening up and being honest about himself with Gavin. It had taken a lot of time and patience from Gavin to get Ryan to become more forthcoming about his past. There were still some things that neither of them knew about each other. Wounds which cut so deep that not even time could lessen their ache. However, that was to be expected in their line of work. So, if there was one thing that Gavin had learned over his years it was how to respond to a Ryan that didn’t want to share.

Ryan sighed frustrated and ran the hand Gavin wasn’t holding through his hair. Gav squeezed his hand and said nothing leaving Ryan to think through his thoughts. Eventually, Ryan seemed to deflate in on himself. He gazed down at their interlocked hands, muttering quietly, “I know how unusual it must seem for me to be considering this, but-” Ryan paused for a second moving both his hands to play with Gavin’s nimble fingers. “I like this crew. I like Geoff. The Fake AH Crew is the first crew I’ve worked for in a long time that treats me like a person, and not a weapon to use at their disposal. It’s nice.” Ryan trailed off.

Gavin bit his lip holding back a smile. He knew how much Ryan respected Geoff but didn’t realize how much impact the elder gent’s actions had on Ryan. “Well, I’m down if you are,” Gavin replied knowing not to make a big deal out of Ryan’s confession, and after the look of contained excitement Ryan sent his way, Gavin couldn’t hold back his giggles. He leaned forward and in-between his laughter pressed a kiss to Ryan's cheek.

Ryan smiled warmly at Gav, rolling his eyes he tugged the Brit in closer and ruffled his hair. Gavin squeaked jerking out of Ryan’s reach, moving his hands up to his hair looking vaguely indignant. “So, we’re doing this then?” Ryan asked, holding back a grin.

“Sure are,” Gavin affirmed as he swung a leg over Ryan’s lap, straddling him. “I guess we’re finally joining the big leagues”

Ryan looked up at Gav rolling his eyes as his hands instinctively settled on the Brit’s hips, “As if we weren’t already there.” He trailed off as Gavin twisted his arms over Ryan’s shoulders, running one hand through his hair, and leaned his forehead down to rest on Ryan’s. Only inches away from each other the two still, sharing the air as they breathed softly. Gavin’s tongue darted out wetting his lips, his eyes glancing up to meet with Ryan’s. They held eye contact for a second longer even as Ryan pushed up finally connecting their lips. The two lazily made out, taking the time to explore each other after being apart for so long. However, the kisses eventually turned more desperate as they continued.

Gavin clutched at Ryan’s hair as he slid a hand underneath the Brit’s shirt. He shifted to kiss at Ryan’s neck. A moan tore its way out of Ryan’s throat as Gavin bit down on his neck, rolling the skin between his teeth before pulling back, panting, to admire the mark he left. Ryan growled twisting around, and Gavin’s breath hitched as his back hit the couch, Ryan suddenly towering over him.

“Fuck,” Gavin muttered brokenly, reaching up grasping at Ryan trying to pull him down.

“That’s the general idea,” Ryan responded hoarsely. He dove down attacking Gavin’s neck while slotting his knee between Gavin’s legs. Gavin arched up choking back a sharp cry his hand fisted in the back of Ryan’s shirt. It was going to be a long night.

 

Gavin squawked loudly as Michael tossed the game case at his head. “Micool!” He cried out pouting, turning away from the television.

“You killed us! Gavin!” Michael shouted exasperated as the wasted animation flashed on the TV. “You fucking idiot! Stop doing the same thing!” Michael tossed his controller down before throwing his hands in the air.

Gavin snickered from beside Michael, “Sorry. Wanna try again? I swear I won’t do it again.”

“I’m sure,” Michael replied blandly, shooting a glare at Gavin. When the same thing happened this time, Michael was anything but surprised. Since Gavin and Ryan had joined the crew Michael had spent a lot of time with the British idiot. Mainly, hanging out and playing video games while Ryan was gone on jobs. He had been surprised that the mercenary still took outside jobs even though he didn’t need to. Geoff and Ryan seemed to have talked about it because Geoff didn’t seem to be bothered by the extra jobs that Ryan disappeared to take care of. Michael had mentioned it to Gavin, he had just shrugged it off saying Ryan could do what he wanted.

Michael wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean, but he couldn’t really question it. Gavin and Ryan were still pretty new to the crew and Geoff had made it clear to not bother them too much. Michael figured that was because he was still apprehensive about whether or not the two would stick around. If Ryan wasn’t in the picture Michael knew that Gavin would have no problem sticking with the crew, but for some reason, Gav was in love with the Mad Mercenary. What an odd pairing that was. It didn’t matter how many times Michael saw them together he still couldn’t understand how they made it work. Ryan just didn’t seem like the cuddling type.

They switched to a new game and were actually making progress when Michael heard the apartment door click open. He stopped, eyes glancing to the hallway where the front door was located. He had never been over at Ryan and Gavin’s place with the mercenary here. Ryan was still pretty secretive, and even though he’d been working with the crew for a while they had yet to see him clean faced.

It was only slightly unsettling for Michael; working so close with someone, and never knowing what they looked like. Gavin set down his controller and flipped around on the couch almost bashing Michael in the head with his elbow.

“Rye!” He called out, “That you?”

Ryan walked into the room and dropped his duffle by the doorway. “Were you expecting someone else?” Ryan commented dryly before looking to Michael and twitching his lips into a smile. “Hey, Michael.”

Michael twisted around settling his arm over the back of the couch and awkwardly muttered. “Hey.” Looking over at Ryan made Michael stop short. His face was covered in smeared face paint with what looked like dried blood along the side and matted in his hair.

“Job go well?” Gavin asked. Ryan grinned, the blood on his face cracked, peeling apart, giving him a rather ghastly look, and he walked over a took Gavin’s hand leaning in.

Michael glanced back at the TV feeling uncomfortable only to immediately look back at Gavin’s squawk.

“Rye! No. Gross. Go clean up first.” Gavin complained grumpily pushing Ryan away from him.

Michael snorted at Ryan’s sulky look before he held up his hands and walked backward. “Fine fine. Have it your way.” Turning around, Ryan then left the room.

Gavin watched Ryan leave the room before plopping back down on the couch and picking back up his controller like nothing had changed. “Ready?”

“Actually Gav,” Michael paused and stood up, “I should probably head out.”

“But Micool.” Gavin pouted.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“I hope you’re not leaving on my account,” Ryan called from the other room. Michael could hear what sounded like a sink faucet being turned off and then the mercenary was walking back into the room with his face clean and his hair slightly damp. Michael turned around and couldn’t stop himself from staring.

“You’re normal.” He blurted out shocked.

Ryan raised an eyebrow. “Normal?”

“I expected at least one scar, but nothing?” Michael sputtered, “You look like you should be taking your kids to soccer practice.”

At that, Gavin broke out in laughter and Ryan shook his head walking by Michael and shoving him back down to the couch. “I look like a dad? Is that what you’re trying to tell me.” Ryan reiterated, taking the open spot on Gavin’s other side.

“Actually the dad of all dads is more like it. The illusion is ruined. I thought I’d have to like sell you part of my soul for you to let me see your face.” Michael sat back down looking to Gavin, who was still laughing a few tears slipping down his cheeks. “Are you sure he just doesn’t go visit his wife and kids when he leaves?”

“I get no respect,” Ryan muttered shaking his head as he tugged the Brit into his side. Gavin relaxed back into the hold brushing the tears from his eyes. 

“I’d hope not,” Gavin said trying to catch his breath. “You’re not cheating on me are you, Rye?”

“Technically, I’d be cheating on my wife.” Ryan stated blandly, “But no. You know you’re the only one for me.” 

Gavin preened, tilting his head back to press a quick kiss to the underside of Ryan’s jaw. 

“Ugh, I know you’re together and all that, but could you keep the lovey-dovey-shit to a minimum,” Michael complained grimacing at them.

“No problem.” Ryan pushed himself up off the couch ignoring Gavin’s whine as he fell into the now empty space where he had just been sitting. “Want something to drink?”

Michael shrugged, “sure.” There was something about finally seeing Ryan’s face, which put him at ease. He actually wasn’t that scary, and now that the mask was gone it felt like the last thing holding Ryan and the crew apart was finally going to be in the past. 

“Wait! So, am I the first person in the crew to see your real face?” Michael questioned excitedly.

“Yep. I guess that brings the total up to four people.” Ryan stated, coming back into the room with his diet coke and tossing Michael a beer. 

“Only four? Are you joking? How is that possible.” Michael said surprised, catching the beer tossed at him.

“Well, four people in our line of work that are still alive.” Ryan shot him a look before taking a drink. “what are you guys playing?”

“We were playing GTA, but now I want to do a Hitman competition,” Gavin said jumping up to change the game. At Michael’s confused look Gavin clarified, “We see who can have the best run through while trying to kill the same target.” 

Michael snorted, “Are you kidding me? Is it even a competition?”

“Actually, Gavin wins most of the time.” Ryan shrugged, giving Gavin a fond look.

“Well, you bloody try and kill them in the stupidest ways!” Gavin cried out as he got the game set up.

“It’s more fun that way, gives me ideas for the future.” 

“You do not take things from a video game and try them in real life. Please tell me you’re joking” Michael exclaimed disbelievingly. 

Gavin shook his head, grinning at Michael and Ryan as they started talking about old hits that were inspired by the game. It was nice to see them finally getting along. For a while, Gavin thought that Michael would never come around to Ryan. Then to see Ryan finally opening up to the crew and letting them see parts of him that he hadn’t shared with people besides Gavin for years was a relief. It brought on a feeling of acceptance that Gavin didn’t even know he needed until it was happening. 

“Oh, Geoff is going to freak when he finds out I saw your face first!” Michael gloated grinning at Ryan. 

“There was a bet, wasn’t there?” Ryan sighed shaking his head exasperated. 

“Um, of course, there was, what did you expect was going to happen when you wear face paint or a mask around us every day?” Michael giddily explained.

“And to think I thought I accepted a job with a crew of professionals.” Ryan teased smirking over at Michael. Gavin squawked as the couch pillow Michael chucked at Ryan missed and hit him. Ryan snorted shaking his head as Gavin jumped around him and tackled Michael off the couch. 

 

The next day when Ryan entered the base he showed up with his mask on, but as everyone sat down to discuss the latest heist plans, Michael tossed Ryan a can of diet coke. Then before anyone could question how he was going to drink it, Ryan pulled off the mask and leaned back in the chair opening the can of diet coke and taking a sip.

The room went dead silent as everyone seemed to realize what had just happened. Michael and Gavin tried to hold in their laughter at everyone else’s dumbstruck expressions. However, it only took a few seconds before Michael and Gavin cracked and the rest of the crew started all talking at once.

“Did that really just happen?”

“So, does this mean I can have your mask?”

“Well fuck me. Is that actually you Ryan? Or were you hired to fuck with us?”

Ryan smirked, letting his gaze slowly pass over all of them as he took another sip of his soda. Michael and Gavin’s laughs grew louder, before Ryan chuckled, shaking his head. “Yeah, it’s me. Figured since Michael had seen me mask-less that the gig was up.” 

“What!” Geoff yelled his voice cracking as he spun around to face Michael. 

“That’s right Geoff, pay up buddy.” Michael snickered.

Geoff’s voice got higher as he continued to talk, “Are you kidding me!” Ray snorted, plopping down on the chair across from Ryan and pulling out his DS.

“I believe I was promised food,” Ray stated raising his eyebrows as he looked over at Geoff. 

Jack came over and sat down next to Ryan, “It’s nice to finally see you without the mask.” He said smiling, “I know Geoff may have been pushing you a little to take it off, but I hope this was a decision you wanted to make.” Jack finished looking worriedly at Ryan.

“Uh, yeah… no, it was my choice. No worries Jack.” Ryan responded a blush rising up in his cheeks. Ryan coughed looking away from Jack trying to settle the uncomfortable feeling that was spreading throughout him. 

“Okay, I just wanted to make sure.” Jack reached forward to squeeze Ryan’s forearm.

Ryan pulled his arm back from Jack’s reach, missing the flash of hurt that crossed Jack’s face. Ryan slid his hands under the table before turning his head to smile lightly over at Jack as he worked to squash the sudden panic clawing its way through his body. Jack smiled concerned at Ryan before his attention was pulled away by Geoff. It was too much. Having someone this concerned about him and making sure he was alright. This isn’t how people in their profession acted. The Fakes were nice, but no way were they this considerate. Ryan knew Jack had to have an alternative motive. He had too. He just couldn’t figure out what it was. Ryan clenched his hands together forcing out a breath to try and relax.

As the panic continued to grow Ryan tried to subtlety get it back under control. However, being so focused on trying to get himself back under control Ryan jumped, jerking back as a someone shook his shoulder. He looked up to see everyone looking at him. Jack still has his hand partially extended between them from when he must have shaken Ryan to get his attention. He slowly lowered his arm back down and started saying, “Geoff wanted to know what you want-“ 

But before Jack could finish, Ryan quickly stood up, pushing back the chair, the loud scraping sound it made on the floors breaking the tense silence, and muttered, “I have to go.” He turned and hastily headed for the door. He couldn’t be here right now. There were too many variables. Too many unknowns. Gavin might be able to believe that they cared so quickly, but Ryan had too much experience with people who seemed to care and turn against him to believe that lie to easily. 

Ryan could hear the others shouts of surprise and bangs from what he knew to be them clattering to come after him. There was a pause in the noise before it went completely silent and Ryan let out a harsh breath realizing he left his mask back on the table. He wanted his mask. He needed it. And he had left Gavin back there with them. What if they tried to hurt him? It would be his fault. He was supposed to protect him. 

Ryan gasped silently stumbling and letting his back hit the wall his hands shakily reaching up to pull on the collar of his shirt as it began to feel harder to take a breath. Distantly he recognized that he was only continuing to work himself up, but that didn’t seem to help any. Ryan jerked back banging his head on the wall as he felt someone come up beside him. The person was blurry and Ryan thought they were talking, but everything sounded as if he was underwater. Blinking a few times cleared Ryan’s vision enough for him to make out that the person trying to talk to him was only Gavin. A very concerned looking Gavin, but someone he trusted nonetheless. 

Gavin smiled seeming to realize that he had Ryan’s attention now. “Hey, Ry… Can you hear me?” Gavin asked softly brushing the hair from his face. It took a few seconds, but Ryan eventually nodded. He seemed to be coming back to himself and it pained Gavin to watch the realization of what just happened flicker across his face. Seconds after that it looked like Ryan was going for a total shut down and avoidance, but Gavin wasn’t going to let that slide. 

Pushing the still slightly out of it Ryan ahead of him, Gavin found the first empty room and went in, shutting the door behind him. The room was one of the many spare bedrooms the crew had at their base, and so Gavin sat Ryan down on the bed and then said, “What was that?” Ryan glanced up at Gavin alarmed, but Gavin pushed on, kneeling down in front of Ryan, so that he might seem like less of a threat, “Love, you just had a panic attack in the hall. I can’t just let this one slide.” Taking Ryan’s hands in his looked up at his mercenary, concern painting his face. 

“I- I- I’m not really sure.” Ryan started, shame building up in his gut. What happened? He had a freak-out because someone was concerned about his feelings – Jesus – he can’t tell Gav that. He’s already fucked up enough.

Gavin scooted in closer still holding Ryan’s hands in his, “Ryan, Love, I just want to make sure you’re okay. Cause that back there was not okay. And if this,” Gavin brings their connected hands up to gesture at the area around them, “is too much, then I need you to let me know.” Gavin pauses to press a kiss to the back of one of Ryan’s hands. “I’d leave right now if that’s what you needed.”

“Gav, no. You love it here. I couldn’t-” Ryan begins shaking his head. 

Gavin breaks their joined hands and moves further up pushing in to kneel between Ryan’s legs. He straightens up and cups Ryan’s face in his hands before saying, “I love you. Alright? And yeah, maybe I like the Fakes, and maybe I like working here, but you come first to me.” Gavin sighs letting one hand drop and catch in Ryan’s shirt, mumbling, “Ry, you scared me. I need you to tell me what’s wrong because I can’t watch that happen again when there could be a way for me to fix it.”

Ryan deflated at Gavin’s words and folded into his body, his arms circling around the Brit and his head resting on his shoulder. Gavin settled his hand on the back of Ryan’s neck, his fingers combing through the hair there. “I’m sorry Gavin. I’m not sure you could have done anything to help. It’s just a lot, being here with everyone. I’m still trying to remember what it’s like…” Ryan trails off taking a breath, “They just trust so easily. And they care. And I...” Ryan takes a haggard breath.

“And that scares you.” Gavin sighed gently. “Ryan, I should have seen that coming. I’m sorry. I know this stuff gets to you.”

“I thought I was handling it alright,” Ryan said, chuckling humorlessly.

“You were doing a bloody fantastic job, but we both know it’s not a smooth ride getting over these kinds of things,” Gavin said, smiling down at Ryan.

“I know. My head just gets all…” Ryan begins pausing while he tries to think of the right word.

“Spaffy,” Gavin fills in grinning.

Ryan pulls back straightening up before rolling his eyes at Gavin, “Sure, why not.”

“So… Should I start packing our bags?” Gavin questioned lightly.

Ryan took a second to answer, but after a minute or two Ryan finally shook his head, “No, but are you sure I didn’t screw it all up back there?”

Gavin gave Ryan a shocked look, “Love, they aren’t mad. Extremely concerned, but not mad at you. You’ll probably have to explain what happened, but they aren’t going to kick us out because you ran out on breakfast.”

“Alright, I suppose.” Ryan replied, “I guess I should go talk to them now.” 

Gavin nodded, “It’ll probably be easier than doing it later. But first,” Gavin stopped Ryan as he went to stand up, ignoring the confused look he sent him and leaned up to press his lips to Ryan’s. Ryan replied easily moving a hand up to cup Gavin’s cheek. Gavin pulled back first, Ryan’s hand sliding down his neck to rest on his shoulder. “I love you,” Gavin said softly leaning forward to press another kiss to Ryan’s lips. 

Ryan smiled, “I love you too, you goof.” Gavin laughed, leaning back before standing up and holding out a hand for Ryan and pulling him up.

While walking back out to the kitchen Ryan felt nervous. He didn’t know how the others were going to have taken his departure and without his mask, he felt too exposed to face all of them at once. However, when they got the kitchen it was only Geoff and Jack sitting at the table. Michael and Ray obviously having dispersed to a different part of the penthouse. There were the remains of a quick breakfast left on the table, and Jack was pushing around what looked like scrambled eggs on his plate. Geoff was sitting next to him, his back facing Ryan, and talking quietly to Jack. 

Gavin, who was standing slightly behind Ryan as if to make sure he didn’t run away, nudged Ryan in the arm and gave him a look. Resisting the urge to stick his tongue out at Gavin, Ryan cleared his throat grimacing as Geoff and Jack jumped in surprise before quickly standing up and turning to look at him. Jack’s face clouded with guilt when he looked at Ryan, while Geoff just looked concerned. 

“I’m Sor-“ Ryan started to say.

“Ryan, I-“ Jack said at the same time.

Gavin bit his lip holding back his laugh as they both stopped and waited for the other person to continue talking. Geoff shook his head and glanced at the two before calmly asking, “Ryan, are you sticking around?”

Ryan looking startled answered, “Yeah if you still want me.”

Geoff rolled his eyes, “Can you still shoot a gun?”

“Of course I can,” Ryan responded confused. 

“And are you still willing to put the safety of the crew first?” He asked raising his eyebrows.

“Geoff, I would never hurt any of you,” Ryan said trying to keep the hurt out of his voice.

“Alright. Then I’m not sure why you need to ask such stupid questions. Obviously, you’re still welcome.” Geoff stated before glancing at Gavin. “Now the grown-ups need to talk, so come over here and help me clean.” 

“Geoffrey, does that mean you’re not an adult?” Gavin questioned walking over to help Geoff start cleaning up. 

“Less talking more cleaning.” Gavin opened his mouth to reply, but one look from Geoff was enough to quiet Gavin. Ryan watched Geoff for a second longer, then shifted his gaze back to Jack. 

“Ryan, I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intention to upset you.” Jack apologized.

“Jack, you don’t have anything to be sorry for, I overreacted.” Ryan stressed and seeing Jack open his mouth to continue talking Ryan plowed on, “No, wait, let me finish.” Jack pursed his lips looking like he wanted to do anything but wait; however, after a moment of watching Ryan shift uncomfortably, Jack nodded seeming to settle. Ryan sighed and said, “I’m sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, Jack. I just-” Ryan broke off and a flash of annoyance filtered across his face before disappearing. The silence stretched on as Ryan seemed to struggle to find the right words. “I’m not-” He paused before starting again seeming to find his resolve. “It’s been a long time since I’ve worked with a crew or really anyone, besides Gav, for an extended period, and I guess I’m not really used to people being concerned about me...” Ryan trailed off shifting uncomfortably as he realized not only was Jack staring at him, but Geoff had stopped what he was doing as well. 

“Dicks dude, I know people are shitty, but you can’t be seri-” Geoff began, pausing as Gavin elbowed him and shot Geoff an almost vicious glare before turning to smile gently at Ryan. 

Jack frowned, “So we’re being too nice?” 

Ryan flushed and shoved his hands into his pockets looking away from Jack. “No. I mean- yes. But, no.” Ryan rattled off looking more confused as he continued. 

Hearing Ryan’s struggle, Gavin pipes in saying, “The crew works because you guys are all friends and there’s trust there that means you can count on one another to have your back.” Gavin pauses and looks from Jack to Geoff, who both nod in agreement even if they looked perplexed as to where Gavin is going. “Geoff, you got this crew started with Jack, and so you’ve always had someone by your side who you trust. The same with Michael and Ray, they joined up early on.”

“Well, yeah, if you’re going to go anywhere in this business you can’t do it alone.” Jack interjected, “What’s the point to this Gavin?”

“Gavin and I were in this business for a long time before we met, and even then, we didn’t immediately get along.” Ryan calmly answered, appearing to have gained his control back, Jacks attention returning to him. “I’m a contract killer. One of the best out there. People fear me.” Ryan stopped and held Jack’s gaze.

“Okay, you’re terrifying. But what’s that got to do with your mental breakdown.” Geoff stated impatiently. 

“When I take a job it's nothing more than a business deal. People pay me to kill someone, I do that and we part ways.” Ryan pauses his lips quirking up humorlessly, “Even the times that I’ve worked with other crews, at most it’s been the enemy of my enemy is my friend. Once the job is complete my presence isn’t welcome.”

“They’re worried that you’ll betray them,” Jack spoke up seeming to finally understand where Ryan was going. “So they turn against you first.”

Ryan nodded eyes dancing between the others in the room before he sighed and sat down in the chair across from Jack, “Or they try and control me.” Ryan shot a brittle grin to Jack.

“Control you? Does that even work?” Geoff asked incredulously. 

Gavin leaned up against the counter behind him letting out a dry laugh, “Not as effectively as they would have liked.”

“That means you killed those fucks then?” Geoff said crossing his arms. 

Ryan blinked looking over at Geoff, “Not all of them, but the ones that mattered.” 

Geoff nodded seeming satisfied, “Good, less work for me then.” Ryan made a noise of confusion, but Geoff just walked by behind him patting his arm as he passed. “Good talk, now I have to lead an empire.” 

Jack sighed exasperated shaking his head at Geoff as he leaves. “He’s such a drama queen.” Gavin squawked out a laugh and Ryan snorted shaking his head. 

“I heard that Pattillo!” Geoff shouted from the other room, causing Gavin’s laughter to choke off momentarily before continuing. 

Jack pushed back his chair and stood up walking over to Gavin, “Gav, I’ll help you put these away.” 

“Is this because of the dishes I broke last week? I told you that was an accident!” Gavin sputtered. 

Ryan stood up from the chair and walked passed Gavin and Jack lightly gripping Gavin’s hand as he went by. Gavin squeezed back before they separated and Ryan walked out of the kitchen and towards the common room. It had been a long time since he had felt this at ease around people. He could feel the small bud of hope blooming in his chest that told him he was safe, and that these people actually cared. This wasn’t the first time he had felt this way though, and it may have been years ago, but it taught Ryan a lesson that he’d never forget. 

“Hey! Ryan!” Michael called out interrupting Ryan’s train of thought. Ryan looked up at Michael who was leaning over the back of the couch with Ray next to him. The former, only his head visible to Ryan, gave a short way from where he was sat in the corner of the couch, and then tugged on Michael’s sleeve.

Michael shrugged him off and grinned over at Ryan, “Do you wanna play a round with us?”

“Michael,” Ray hissed quietly glancing over at Ryan. “Let him breathe.”

“Oh um, Michael, I’m not really feeling up to it,” Ryan responded his eyes darting over to Ray.

“Come on. I was telling Ray about how terribly you play Hitman and he didn’t believe me.” Michael continued as he hadn’t heard either person’s rejection.

Ray glanced up at Michael who continued to smile at Ryan as if nothing was wrong before looking over at Ryan who was starting to look more closed off as the silence stretched out. Ray let out a soft sigh as the realization of what Michael was doing dawned on him. Of course, Ryan would be feeling weird around them, and not know where they stood now. Maybe it wasn’t entirely healthy to act like nothing was wrong, but it clearly wasn’t time to push the issue. 

Turning more to face Ryan, Ray propped one arm on the back of the couch. “Is it true that you murdered someone by throwing scissors through a door?”

“And then tried to replicate it in real life, Ray! Don’t forget the most important part! This crazy person tried to do for real!” Michael shouted excitedly.

“Did it work? I mean when you tried it in real life?” Ray questioned curiously.

Ryan walked closer scratching at his neck, “Well, it didn’t go exactly as planned because game physics are a little looser than real physics and it’s actually impossible to get scissors to phase through a closing door. However, I was able to time my shot with a perfectly closing door to take out one of my targets. Gav and I agreed it was close enough.” 

Ray gaped at Ryan, “You-” He paused seeming not knowing what to say, “You did not kill someone with by throwing scissors at them. You did not.”

Ryan shrugged, “It wasn’t that difficult actually just needed a well-balanced pair of scissors.”

“A balanced pair of scissors…” Ray trailed off shaking his head in disbelief, “Have I told you lately how happy I am that you’ve decided that you like us.” 

Michael snorted, “Wow Ray, way to make it sound like we keep Ryan around as a glorified guard dog.”

“Hey! No! That’s not what I meant at all, and you know that!” Ray shoved at Michael shooting a worried glance at Ryan before refocusing on Michael.

“Uh huh, sure, try and back pedal now.” Michael pushed Ray so he fell back against the couch cushions. “Ryan unlike Ray here the rest of us actually value you as a person, and want you to stick around cause we like you.” Ryan’s lips quirked up in a smile at the two of them, and Ryan felt himself unwind more at their antics. Michael was obviously trying to put him at ease and even though his method wasn’t subtle at all a small part of him appreciated the crude honesty.

“Micool! Stop trying to steal Ryan from me!” Gavin cried out coming into the room and jumping over the back of the couch at Michael tackling the both of them off the couch and on to the floor. Michael’s head just barely missing the sharp edge of the coffee table as he fell down.

“Oh m- Gavin! What the fuck!” Michael screeched out, “Are you trying to murder me!” 

Ryan and Ray shook their heads at each other as Gavin squawked, “No Michael. I would never.” Ray held up the Xbox controller as a silent question and Ryan shrugged and grabbed the controller from Ray, and walked around the couch stepping over where Gavin and Michael were rolling around on the floor to sit down.

“Best of three?” Ryan suggested, starting up Hitman, “See who can kill the target in the most obnoxious way without getting caught or dying?”

Ray grinned, “You’re on.”

Gavin and Michael eventually settled back down their laughter quieting as their attention was captured by Ryan and Ray playing. Gavin wormed his way in-between Ryan’s legs sitting on the floor tilting his head to cheekily smile up at Ryan. Ryan smiled softly, flicking Gavin’s nose ignoring his squawk as he smoothed a hand through Gavin’s hair scratching at his scalp as he watched Ray play. Gavin gave a small shudder at the action and the noise he made could almost be described as a purr as he pushed his head back against Ryan’s hand. Michael made a gagging noise at them but still settled down next to Gavin on the floor. 

Ryan took a quite deep breath trying to focus on the weight of Gavin leaning against his leg and the feel of his hair between his fingers instead of the roar of uncertainties that was threating to overcome him again. He wanted to trust them, but all he could see were the similarities between the Fakes and his old crew. He had to believe that they were different and wouldn’t turn on him the same way otherwise he was going to lose it. 

Ryan blinked refocusing on the TV where Ray was currently stuffing a body in a closet. Michael and Gavin were mocking each other and shoving at each other from where they sat against the bottom of the couch. Ryan gave a sharp tug on Gavin’s hair, and Gavin stopped blinking owlishly at Michael his eyes dilating slightly and Ryan muttered, “That’s enough.” Gavin blushed turning to shoot a glare at Ryan as Michael broke out in loud laughter at Gavin’s reaction. Ryan went back to gently running his hand through Gavin’s hair in apology and Gavin relaxed back into Ryan nuzzling into his jean covered knee before pressing a kiss to it.

It might take a while, but Ryan could see himself one day calling this crew family. He just hoped he would make it through the transition in one piece.

**Author's Note:**

> So this only took me like two years to finish. No big deal. College is hard and time consuming. I did finish it though. Now that I'm done with school I should have a bit more time to write too, so hopefully my updates to this universe will not take two years to get out. 
> 
> Someone wanted more fluff between Gavin and Ryan. I mean I tried... I think it came out more angsty though. If you guys have any suggestions for what you want to see next just let me know. :) I'd love to know what everyone liked and/or didn't like. Comments and Kudos as always are appreciated.


End file.
